The Outside In The Inside Out.

On the outside everything is okay. On the outside I keep busy and do all the things I'm meant to do. On the outside I'm smiling and laughing and on the outside I'm being strong and I'm being organised. 

On the outside I'm coping with everything. Even though on the outside that everything is a list unending. On the outside my determination never falters. On the outside there is life, love and the willpower to go on. 

On the outside there is no silent, debilitating pain. On the outside there is no struggle or turmoil. On the outside there is no fear of the future and no guilt of the past. And on the outside there are no regrets.

On the outside there is no worry or stress or turmoil. On the outside there is no anger. On the outside there are no visible tears or sadness to see. On the outside no one can tell that my heart is breaking every other minute. 

On the outside life goes on. 

And it does, without you.

On the inside, and from the inside, the world exists without you but in the inside you are still here. From the inside I can see everything. I see the world turning, the days pass and life is as it was to everyone. On the inside I don't see those everyday things as painful, constant reminders that you have gone as you are always here inside with me. On the inside I hear you whispering comforts in my ear. On the inside I feel the calm touch of your hand touching mine. On the inside I sense, beside me, your infinite presence. 

Inside another world and another life exists. A world no-one will understand. A world complete and whole. So why let the outside in and turn the inside out? The outside is a mirror that only reflects what the world wants to see. So I'll stay in here a while longer. And a while longer again. Where you are. Safe inside the inside. Delaying that life without you that awaits. Delaying the pain and the sadness and the worries and the fear.

Delaying the evitable day when we have to turn the world outside in, inside out.

#WorldMentalHealthDay2023